A chance

Can I have a chance?

 

Can I date you for a lifetime?

Everyday like the first time

We could dance for no reason

We’d celebrate for celebrations sake

 

Will you give me the chance to make you happy

Happier than a change in seasons

I want to be the reason you smile for no reason

Lets talk in faces and in touch

 

Give me a chance to find you

so you’ll never lose yourself

I want you to be you

With a sip of me, truth, love, and serendipity

 

You are the one I want to hold and never let go of

I want to make each day new

I want you to say that you knew the feel of spontaneity

Let me be genuine to my soul so you can see right through me

 

Can you give me a chance to prove we are ever evolving?

Let me lead us in prayer, in stride, lets be side by side

Can you be mine and me yours?

And you’ll be you and I’ll be we and together we’ll be whole

 

Give me a chance to show you just how much I love you.

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Traffic stop 101: The black man’s survival guide

  1. Do not leave your home without a state issued i.d. and or necessary documents.

-A traffic stop may occur for any number of reasons. Perhaps you may fit the description of a suspect i.e. black male, approximately 5’9” to 6 foot, between the ages of 18 to 25, wearing a t-shirt, mesh shorts, and sneakers. Regardless of the at times wide net and arbitrary reason of suspicion, do not allow the situation to escalate by not having appropriate forms of identification.

  1. Follow the rules of the road. Come to a complete stop at signs. Cross at the cross walk.

-The theme continues; do not allow any obstruction no matter how small to create an opportunity to spur a negative interaction with law enforcement officials. As a law-biding citizen if you feel targeted, remain calm. Cooperation is not an admission of guilt, follow through with the process and live to fight another day.

  1. Set a date to do a monthly self-inspection of your vehicle and review the laws of your state and county.

-Be proactive, check your break lights and do a general safety inspection of your vehicle at least once a month; preferably inspect your car each time to visit the gas station. Aside from being preemptive, remain informed and up to date with local and state laws. When advocating for yourself remain calm and be confident in your preparation.

  1. When pulled over, lower windows immediately, turn off your vehicle, and keep your hands on your steering wheel.

-Greet the officer; use this as an opportunity to take note of their name and badge number. Remain calm and follow the officer’s instructions. Catalogue your movements as you make them. i.e. My registration and insurance is in the glove box, I will get it for you now.

  1. Remember they are more afraid of you than you are of them

-Many of these officers are not from our neighborhoods. Their jobs may be the only meaningful interaction they may have with the urban community. What some of them may know about our communities are derived from horror stories they have heard from other officers, the news, or when they respond to hostile situations. The majority of law enforcement officers LOVE their job; no amount of benefits would compel a person of sound mind to put their life at risk everyday if they did not honestly believe they were making a difference. However, there will be instances of ignorance and frustration rooted in fear that could turn a mild situation horrific. We cannot control the actions of others, but we can educate ourselves and do everything feasible to keep interactions with law enforcement a positive one.

 

As a black man, I am tired of watching the news and saying that could have been me, it could be someone I love. I am sick of being outraged. I wrote this article in an attempt to do something constructive and I urge everyone who reads this to do something positive. We cannot continue to stand by idly and mourn the loss of any life by any hands and not make an attempt to rectify it.

-Benael J. John-Rose M.S.

To her

You know its funny, the way you get what you want if you want it bad enough, and it just isn’t quite what you bargained for. What’s really funny is all the things that I would do to make you smile. The smile that would make me feel this odd warm sensation; kind of like I am floating, you know, and then the moment your lips would peel back and I saw your smile, I’d forget that anyone or anything else existed. I could walk right into traffic if I saw you over there, cross the way, smiling at me the way you use to. Your smile is just a memory now, now that you’re gone. My world still stops when I picture it, my eye waters too, only the right one, the way it would when we watched videos of soldiers hugging their daughters. I sure do miss you. Valentines day is in another few weeks, that’s always when it hurts the most. Your birthday comes right after that you know. I’ve always said I remember the exact day, and time, I first saw you. It’s like that moment is crystalized in time forever. Its like I expected it to be till death do us part one day. You were always there, our bond growing stronger and stronger, and now you’re not… here. Remember our first kiss? That was long over due, you were so nervous, I knew it would be perfect. I would give up everything I own, my entire future, just to be back in that moment, the 20 seconds of our first kiss; I miss it. I miss the way you would pull away; it would suck the life out of me, my lips chasing yours. Maybe I should burry those memories, burry them in this letter, burry it with you, send it 6 feet under. You are my gift turned a curse. What if we just stayed friends? What if it all worked out with me and her, or you and them, who ever him might be. You’d still be alive in my life smiling the way you do, your black crinkly hair tossed on one side, your deep brown eyes looking over at me, your slick black eyebrows raises, your nose in your coffee. I always knew we were meant to be. I swore to my friends I would give up all my vices if you ever gave me a chance, and you finally did. After all that time you became mine, then I lost you…

 

Not to another, like I thought I knew I would; some mythical creature of a man, who would fulfill your every wish and dream. I knew he’d make you feel about him the way the way I did about you, he would pierce your soul with a stare I could never muster. And I would be happy for you, weighed down by a coming lifetime of emptiness that I would now have to endure. I would have found my comfort in knowing he could do everything for you I wish I could, the things I knew you deserved. Your joy would have been my strength, grateful that you were still in my life, not the way I intended but still there. That’s not how I lost you; It isn’t what stole the breath from our love. I still dream about you, they aren’t as vivid as before. We aren’t getting married, having some giant feast, with lamb on the skewer, exchanging of worry beads. I don’t picture our daughter anymore; she looked just like you, the two of you together, you cradling her in your arms, the single most beautiful thing I ever did see. My heart would split in two during those dreams. To think there was someone that I wanted to love just as much, give half of all the affection in my body to. The dreams are different these days; we’re back to back getting dressed till the next time I get to see you. I smirk; chuckle a bit, to think I gave you my heart, with nothing to show; Its gone, gone with you. Don’t worry about me, wherever you are. I’m stronger for it all now. It always works out that way doesn’t it? I was weak when I met you, you healed me, and then I lost you. Now here I am again, not quite walking yet, but I am crawling with good stride. I am kind of seeing someone else I guess. It’s not the same, I do not know if it will ever be. Some voids just can’t be filled. There was something pure, forbidden, whimsical about what we had, what it consisted of, how we couldn’t define it. After all, who could reach the pedestal I once kept you on? Perhaps I’ll learn to love again, I don’t want to learn, I want to lay eyes on someone and just know, the way I knew that I had to have you. If you could just lay with me again, we could listen to Johnny cash, it would be much easier to explain. I was there for the lonely nights, company you couldn’t keep. I leaned on you just as much as you did on me. I didn’t see it the way you did. I didn’t see it as a means to an end, wishful thinking it was praying that things would grow from what it was, to what I wanted. There is no one to blame, maybe just our humanity.

 

I’ve read stories stories of unrequited love; Damsels that couldn’t get out of their own way, I thought you were a damsel, that’s where the problem lays. I talked myself into believing I could be that mild mannered man turned your superman.

I wanted to open your eyes to realize this soul mate you desired could have been right in front of you. Maybe, just maybe, it would have hit you, how could you find me when I already found you.

 

Here I am, or would have been standing there, waiting for you to turn around. Alas reality kills; there is a picture of us on my dressing room mirror. I would lose myself in that picture of perfect things, you and I grinning from ear to ear. Then we reach a peak, and we set forth on this declining spiral. You still glow in that picture, I feel what I felt on the moment we took it, I still feel what I knew our feelings would have grown to be. I have seen you since, and I felt empty, a void, aware that we aren’t where we use to be, aware of the impending end. I have visited your grave site, this tomb stone I have carved in my mind, for the woman I always wanted that I couldn’t have, who maybe wanted me too but couldn’t let herself, couldn’t bring me him me home, couldn’t stuff me into this predetermined mold. Here lies the perfect woman, her lips I have touched, her finger has startled mines, my heart beat pulsating into her ear drums, her head on my chest, a smile on my heart. Here lies the image I once had of you. The image I held till I came to the realization that we would never grow; you loved the things I did for you, but you would love them more from someone else. I use to visualize in my minds eye how I would approach your father and ask for your hand. He would have felt my desire, seen me perspire, trembling at the thought of not having you. He would have felt the strength in my grip; he would have witnessed the determination in my eyes. But, I’m just an intermission, the man of the moment; this moment is over, I think I felt it before you did, I pretended just to hold on a little longer. I was an optimistic to mourner; your kiss never felt like it belong to me, I always found myself asking for it, as if each time was the last; you deny my request now, part of me always expected this. This was once a beautiful thing; you were a beautiful person, you still are in a way, not in an wicked which of the west kind of way, in a disappointed back tracking kind of way you are still good, you were always there. I play back all your faces, from the infancy of our innocence, the time you cried because you thought that you hurt me. I never got to see you then; I picture it nonetheless. Your distress sunk my emotions into a pit of empathy. I guess you still mean a lot to me. I miss the way I use to see you. Here you are in front of me, reading the language of my body, you still cant understand what you were to me till I buried what could have use to be, and accepted our reality.

With Love

Women

Women
I, Do not write of women.

I, sing of ringing memories.
Events sealed in imagination

I tell stories of curses.
Roads seldom, often passed

I speak of yearns.
Missing holds.

Sleeping in a world of could;
Use to; wish to be.

These are chapters of the past.
Moments I wanted to last.

I Do write of mistakes.

Many needed,
Others submerged in a sour remorse.

I paint pictures of words
I couldn’t shape.

Writing of love, of lust,
In words I couldn’t speak.

I lose composure in my scribbles.
Detached from this reality.

This is where I am free.
Adventure takes over me

I Do not feel fear

This is where I speak of it.
Failure, love, open and oneness.

I’d love to succeed.
shouldn’t have made it this far.

Failing to lose control,
Gripping grains of sand.

I have been burned by the best
Icing out the rest

I have forgotten to live.
Drowning in the ocean of life.

I write of parts and whole,
And the love I want to give.

Sweetheart, my angel

You’re too good to be true
I’ve cherished each moment with you
First laid eyes on you
Around when summer met fall

I recall the swish in your walk
The way that you talked

You’d feel like heaven to touch
Softly stroking your cheek
Tracing it’s lines as it peaks

If just your fingers in mine
Our pulse beating as one

At long last love has arrived
My heart bleeds, even rains
This is joy mixed with pain

You’re a vision a dream
You leave me stunned and I stare

My chest burns in it’s rise, stings as it falls
Some have come, they have went
Fixed on you I remain, to your affection I’m chained

The stars shine with your grin
Blue jays wilt when you weep

So if you feel as I feel
Please let me show you it’s real
I’ve poured you my soul
It still sits in your cup

You’re too good to be true
Lord only knows, how much I loved you

Jenina

Will you be my piglet

My buddy my pal

The right to my left lung
Who won’t leave me when I’m wrong
Together we can be strong

strolling through the woods, Acre by acre
Over moss invested logs, under rotting wooden bridges
Skipping past the tire swings, down to the creek

Lets promise to never leave the others side

Not for hefalumps nor woozles

When I’m afraid and you’re scared
Will you tremble, even sequel
Then find the courage to stay just for me

There will be a rumbling in my tummy
My think tank will run empty
And I’ll get sad when I can’t find the one for me
Would you then offer me the last drop of your pot

We’ll be all each other’s got

Jagged rocks, fitting precisely in place

We’ll have other friends
And we’ll visit them in pairs, In separates too
No one will ever have a bond with you the way i do

We will live in trees
Pretending their palaces
Eating simple and thinking rich
In this woodland paradise

You’ll get lost and I’ll find you

We’re best friends what’s life without you

The man I choose to be

The man I choose to be is.
Flawed.
Knowing right from wrong, good to bad,
Choosing to do as I please anyhow.

I chose to be scared.
About what could happen, has happened, will happened
All the happens that could ever happen.

I know one day I have to answer for it.
Maybe I already have
Maybe I still am

The man I once chose to be
Did what he pleased
Justified taking what he wanted
Tried to be against his nature

The nature to nurture,
As the strong survive.
The weak get aten,
And your name was all you had.

I chose to be.
A lover.
Who couldn’t commit, but loved commitment
And when he commited he commited too strong
Till he lost the will to commit

I’ve elected to not be God fairing.
Instead.
I trust, embrace faith
I live

I live.
Surpassing the expectations of the small minded
Cultivating my dreams.
May they be grand and ever lasting

I chose to trace my skin.
Become familiar with it,
To find comfort within it
I am almost there

Almost to the point of no return
Where I just don’t give a
Damn.
About what anyone thinks

I’ve learned to say it
Speak it before you can’t
Dead men don’t tell tales
They can’t hear either

I chose to be a father
When my sister needed one
A bestfriend our mother could depend on
I chose to take charge of a broken home

I regret none of it
I’ve learned from it all
It’s why I am the way I am
It was all apart of a plan

I choose to be flawed
Perfection not in my cards
My wins ugly, losses gruesome
Dealing with what I was dealt